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Patrick Wambaugh
Apparently, you're to sit down and write one of these with each chapter been completed. I don't know if it's actually required, but seeing as how I'm about a week or so from finishing my education with the Recording Connection, I figured now was as good a time as any time to start. What's actually kind of funny is, I attempted to start writing it before, but pulled a solid rookie mistake and neglected to save what I had written before closing the window, thereby losing everything I had typed up. I'll chalk it up as a rough draft and consider this to be the final revision.
That's a good topic for not only this entry, but for my life in general since back in September when I embarked upon this entire journey. I try not to overembellish everything that's happened. I mean in the grand scheme of things, I know I'm not the first one been granted this opportunity, nor will I even remotely be the last. There are times when I attempt to interlace my words with some form of inspirational writing. Not to bolster my own image to make me look better, but rather to try and show anyone willing to read that they too have in them to follow their heart and do what feels right as opposed to what looks right. Too many people I've talked to chirp the story "Oh, well this isn't where I planned to be, but I'm here now and it's good enough." I know that's okay for them, but "good enough" will never be good enough for me. I cannot settle for what I have when I know I'm capable of so much more. Furthermore, I know each and every one of you are just as, if not more capable than I when it comes to just biting the bullet and doing what YOU want to do with your life. Why risk going 10-20 years into the future and looking back to say "Gee, I should've done that." There's no use in denying yourself the opportunity to potentially succeed or fail, both real possibilties, but also proof that you at least tried.
Since a lifetime ago in high school, when the act of playing guitar caught my eye, I've been somewhat inherently drawn to music. No matter the size of the crowd, I can never fill the venue, you know? There's always something more, something bigger, something deeper and I have to be a part of all of it. For the most part, it always felt like a pipe dream. Oh, musicians are a dime a dozen these days and the successful ones are few and far between. It's not practical, it's not logical, it's not reasonable to want to be anything like those I idolize through my stereo speakers. Nobody put these thoughts in my head, except for myself. I created my own self-doubting demons that have always told me I know just enough to know how good I am not. Even to this day, I still struggle with these thoughts.
Taking on this feat of completely removing myself from the life I knew and finding a home in a new state (of both territory and mind) was no easy task. When the day came that I decided to move up to Seattle from Portland, I laid in my bed for about 4-5 hours, debating whether or not this was what I wanted to do, whether or not I was good enough for this. Again with the demons, no? To quote a favorable lyric, "They keep me up all night" and a part of me feels I feel like they always will. A small price to pay when attempting to achieve ones dreams. I mean there's always going to be yin with the yang, bad with the good, Joker with the Batman. One simply cannot exist without the wonder of the other hot on their heels. Thus is the bane of the artist's mind, but also the advantage at play. It one thing to be able to take what good you have and produce some kind of artistry to bring forth into the world, but to reinforce by way of the reverse? That is a whole other ballgame altogether and a topic best saved for another entry.
No, following my dreams has been one of the scariest, most exhilirating decisions of my entire life. However, for as many steps that I've taken, there's been a certain amount of sacrifice as well. Friends, family, and loved ones all, some of each been taken a hit and temporarily forced aside for these larger dreams that have only yet begun to alter the trajectory of my life. Those that have stuck with me through it all, they are the ones I've come to regard as closest. They understand how my brain works, how I'm internally wired, and they're the ones I've not only relied upon the most, but also been thankful for every day that those damned demons decide to bark louder than they did the day before. I would be so lost without each of you. Please don't ever, ever forget that.
Lastly, I'll leave you all with this: Just fucking go for it. When the timing feels right, you have to take that leap to make it bind. When you do, the universe will follow suit. Everything will eventually fall as it should, showing you the path you were meant to blaze this entire time. You'll wonder why it took you so long, but don't ever forget that you needed to go through what you did to get where you're meant to be.
Thank you for your time taken to be you. Don't ever stop.
Packie - Signing off.
